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About Literature / Hobbyist Senior Member Dave VronayMale/United States Groups :icondeviantart-beta: deviantArt-Beta
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Deviant for 8 Years
Core Member 'til Hell freezes over
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Poem dealing with blood
I will write a disturbing poem about your boyfriend/girlfriend that will freak the shit out of them. Money back if they are not offended.
Scary Faces
I will sketch a scary face in my next exec meeting and send it to you for your "enjoyment".




UltraDad's Profile Picture
Dave Vronay
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I enjoy performance poetry - slam-style.
I like octopuses and sheep, but not in a bad way...


Overheard in Hollywood today:
girl A:  Bless us humans, all actually each having one of the same five problems over and over throughout history.
girl B:  Yeah, hair too short, hair too long, hair too curly, hair too straight, and fear of death

I’m not sure when I first got the idea to open my clinic – if it was during medical school or later during my residency.  In any case, it had been kicking around the back of my mind for some time.  I remember during my undergraduate – I think it was my freshman year -  I was studying at USC and I had a major crush on this girl Erica in my political science class.  She was a Jewish girl, with long black hair and pale white skin.  I later found out that her father was the dean of the medical school, but at the time I just knew she was artistic and quirky and I was sort of fascinated with her.  

Anyway, I was a big fan of this director David Cronenberg who made these sort of venereal horror films and I took her on a date to see his new movie “Dead Ringers”.  I didn’t know it beforehand, but the movie revolved around twin gynecologists who go bad and it was not a great first date film.   I was probably 17 or 18 and still a virgin and while I was vaguely aware that there was such a thing as a gynecologist, I never really considered what they might be doing and certainly not in any graphic detail.  Erica was clenching my arm in the non-romantic way you might clench your armrest and during one particularly squeamish scene she says, sort of under her breath, “I should not have seen this movie the day before my pelvic exam.”

This was a fascinating new thought to me - that this girl had scheduled someone to be poking and probing around her private areas, that despite dreading it she would be going anyway, that she really had no choice - it was all very interesting and somewhat erotic.  And how did that emotion overlay with the unknown probing and poking that might be the result, say, of the very date we were on?  These different ways in which you shared your genitals with others went swimming around my mind.   And while much later in life I realized that men come into their own brand of anal and prostate inspection, at the time it all seemed uniquely feminine to me.

I don’t know if it would be correct to credit that date with my decision to enter Medical school.  After all, my mom was a nurse and my father was a butcher in the local Safeway before opening his deli, so surely there was some genetic diathesis towards a professional dealing with anatomy at some level.   All I can say for certain is that whatever the reason, shortly thereafter I changed my major to pre-med and upon graduation I went directly into the USC medical school. 

During this time I was able to have a mature enough relationship with another medical student - a girl named Linda - to actually bring up the subject of the dreaded gynecologist visit.   I had recently taken a workshop in patient empathy and I had many questions on how she dealt with this and what a doctor could do to make it better.  Was it very difficult for her?  Strange?  Uncomfortable?  Erotic?    Linda just dismissed me.  “You don’t think about it, you just do it.  It is like going to the dentist.”   And while I made no special note of it at the time, I am fairly certain that this is the first time I heard dentistry and gynecology mentioned in the same conversation.

Another piece of the puzzle came into play during the second or third year of my residency.  I was specializing in gynecology, and during these years the industry was taking a turn towards a marked preference for female gynecologists.  Many of the senior male gynecologists I met were struggling after years of having a successful practice.  As a result, most of my male classmates were focusing on fertility, reproductive surgery, or other non-patient-facing specialties.   This was disappointing to me because dealing with people, with patients and their emotions, was one of the most appealing things to me about being in the medical profession in the first place.  The only thing that seemed left to me in gynecology were the gender-reassignment patients, and while this is booming business now (thanks to the high-tech industry’s massive transfer of wealth to social misfits), 20 years ago it didn’t seem capable of supporting a career.

When I asked my faculty advisor what someone should do who wanted to be patient-facing but still have a successful practice, he recommended becoming a dentist.  I think he was sort of joking – maybe he was feeling some bitterness or jealousy towards that profession – and at the time I didn’t think much of it.  But the thought did start to percolate in my brain.   USC actually had an excellent dental school, and I spent some time checking it out.  That is when I met Justin.  He was a top student there.  We had many common interests and outlooks – most notably a desire to connect as directly as possible with our patients and provide medical services that actually helped people - and we became fast friends.    One thing led to another and four years later we opened our combined office of gynecology and dentistry.

At first business was slow.  We weren’t sure how to advertize, and weren’t sure how to specialize.  After all, advanced gynecology typically involved complicated microsurgeries and fertility-related procedures, while advanced dentistry was evenly split between teeth-whitening and other such cosmetic operations and serious orthodontic reconstruction.  It didn’t seem that there was much sharing of equipment or labs possible.  Our patients were also somewhat confused.  I had my gynecology patients and Justin had his dental patients, but we saw no overlap between the two.  We were operating two totally unrelated practices that happened to share the same waiting room and receptionist.

It must have been a year or two later that the final piece came together.  I was at the Jiffy-Lube, getting my oil changed.  I had been coming to Jiffy-Lube for years, totally out of habit.  My father went there and I just continued in his footsteps, every three months obediently following the advice of the little sticker they helpfully placed on my window.  I never actually thought about what services they provided beyond oil changing.  I suppose if I had been pressed I would have been able to derive something to do with lubrication from the “Jiffy-Lube” name, but even then I had no idea what that really meant, being totally ignorant of cars.  In any case, for whatever reason – perhaps they were out of magazines – on this particular visit I happened to read the various signs they had posted on the walls explaining what it was exactly that they did.  I was surprised to see that the list was quite extensive – checking fluids, changing oil, topping off various things, inspecting wiper blades, cleaning the windshield, and so forth.  Mostly as way of killing time I asked the clerk how they happened to come up with this list.

“It is pretty simple,” he explained.  “These are all of the little annoying things you have to do but don’t really want to because it is messy and uncomfortable.  It is like going to the dentist every six months.  You feel better afterwards knowing you did it, but if you really had a serious problem you would go to a mechanic.  We don’t fix anything here.”

I was electrified.  Suddenly I knew what our two specialty areas had in common, and I had our hook.  We would be the Jiffy-Lube of medicine, focusing entirely on routine but simple check-ups that everyone felt compelled to do but no one enjoyed.  I rushed back and pitched the idea to Justin.  He was instantly on board and we re-did our branding that very afternoon.  Within a few weeks we were officially operating the first “Clinic of Routine and Uncomfortable Probings”.

The premise was simple and thus immediately understandable to the customer.  With a single appointment, you get all of the unpleasant but necessary medical services out of the way, in-and-out, appointments accepted but walk-ins welcome.  We followed the Jiffy-Lube model right down to giving people magnets for their fridge to remind them of their next appointment time.   

Also like Jiffy-Lube, we began providing all of the services at the same time.  This was quite easy logistically for our initial focus areas.  The vagina and the mouth are quite far apart, and it is easy to give the respective technicians sufficient space to perform their procedures.  The standard stirrup chair and pelvic exam position is also perfectly angled for a dental hygienist to do their work.  Bottom line is that we were able to get up and running quickly.  It wasn’t until business grew and we expanded into proctology that we needed to invest in the development of specialized chairs and workspace that supported more avenues of simultaneous access for the clinicians.  

As we added each service, we always had concern whether the model would continue to work.  After all, most folks were used to these things being done by a personal physician who provided that emotional connection and human touch.  But time and time again, we found that this just was not issue.  First, most doctors who attempted to be human and personable were just lousy at it, which made the whole thing worse than if they didn’t try at all.  Second, it turns out that most patients actually didn’t WANT the human touch during these procedures.  As one of our customers said “I’d rather NOT be close friends with the guy who is sticking his finger in my a** or checking me for ball cancer – having my teeth cleaned is a great excuse for not having to say hello.”  Lastly, even for those who appreciated some human touch, the convenience factor far outweighed the benefit.   As another patient put it “I love my dentist.  If I ever need any work he’ll be the first one I call.  But for routine cleaning, these days who can deal with an appointment 6 months in advance?  At Probings, I can just pop in after dropping the kids at school and get my breast exam out of the way as well.”

As we got more customers, we grew more streamlined and more efficient, and were able to continuously lower our costs.  Eliminating all conversation and most eye-contact with the patients allowed us to hire highly qualified but much less expensive clinicians from non-English-speaking parts of the world.   In addition, many of the procedures are so routine that they simply don’t require extensive medical training – just the ability to follow proscribed steps exactly and respect HIPPA guidelines.  One of our star technicians commented that her work at Probings is actually easier than her previous job.  “After all, when you are feeling for testicular lumps, you don’t have to worry what the heck a triple thin no-foam extra-hot macchiato is supposed to mean.” 

Some people express some concern about quality, but in fact our specialization and efficient throughput means that our staff members perform far more exams during a year than a conventional specialist.  This translates directly into improved diagnostic accuracy, and our error rate is less than half of the industry average.   When you combine that with the increased frequency of visits, our customers are actually way ahead of those who stick to the old way.  On top of that, our affordable fixed prices have made us the darlings of both the insurance companies and the uninsured/self-insured consumer.

It hasn’t all been smooth sailing.  We’ve had our share of missteps.  Our focus remains on finding new services to provide without requiring the customer to explicitly ask for each procedure, but sometimes we get ahead of ourselves.  For instance, we had high hopes for the whole non-surgical cosmetic enhancement thing, particularly with men who can be shy about that.  That didn’t go over well at the time, but now with Botox on the rise we might bring that back.  And while our market research around driving business from teens and young adults made it seem like a natural, the political BS surrounding abortion in US ultimately made that add-on more trouble than it was worth.  It is really too bad, since our one-stop shopping approach nicely avoided the problems with the mishmash of consent laws.  No need to get consent if the patient herself doesn’t know.  But that’s all past and we don’t look back.  We keep an open mind and a flexible outlook, and take our lumps along with our successes.  And so far the latter have substantially outnumbered the former. 

Now as you probably know we have Clinics of Uncomfortable Probings all over, in 200 cities in 33 states.  With success comes imitators, of course, and we are no exception.  But our equipment and process patents keep the competition at bay, and so far no one has come close to matching our 25/25/125 deal – a 25 point inspection, in 25 minutes or less, for just $125.  It is all about process, having the equipment and the routine tuned perfectly.  For instance, once you have some water jets and metal picks and immobilized that customer’s head for teeth cleaning, adding ear wax removal is practically free.    Best of all, solid process makes it easy for us to replicate.  Last year, we made #2 on Franchise Magazine’s hot 100, losing by a hair to that company that does the gyms for overweight pets.

So where are we going next?  Time will tell.  We in talks to open the first clinics in China and India and we think those will be huge.   We fully expect the model will translate well.   In fact, some things work even better overseas.  We already use doctors in India to analyze all of the data from the US labs so that would be even more local.  And we also expect the abortion thing to do much better in China.  All in all the future looks bright.  And it really just goes to show how a little innovation and a lot of focus on the customer can create something great.




The Clinic of Uncomfortable Probings
Some light reading for your enjoyment, cooked up at a doctor's visit.

DeviantArtist Questionnaire

Fri Aug 7, 2015, 9:48 AM

How long have you been on DeviantArt?

Since June 4th, 2008. I originally signed up when I was running a design studio and was looking at people's profile pages to get a sense of their work. I didn't start submitting until 2014.

What does your username mean?

I have four kids. We play a lot of pen & paper role-playing games at my house, and at some point when making characters for Champions "Ultradad" just came out. Later that year the kids got me that as a custom license plate for my car. I've been using it as a gamertag ever since.

192222 10150116894113046 4357507 O (1) by UltraDad

Describe yourself in three words

Calm Cold Collected

Are you left or right handed?


What was your first deviation?

For a long time I never posted. The first thing I posted was a batch of poems. I think "Another Secret" was the very first, although the poem was written 20 years beforehand.

I have a series of poems in this line, all inspired by a girlfriend I had in college who liked to be cut. After a while that starts to really mess with your head. For years afterwards, I would have dreams about blood, covered in blood, drowned in blood, etc. It became an obsession and was kind of horrific. But at some point a psychologist friend told me that the desire to be submerged in blood is most likely a desire to be in the womb and to regain that feeling of absolute peace. That observation had a profound effect on me and the horrors all went away. OK, probably TMI...

I recommend avoiding dating such people and instead steer them towards some professional help. #protip

What is your favourite type of art to create?

I liked to sketch scary faces. They aren't really supposed to be scary, I just can't draw that well so they come out that way. In college I would sketch scary faces for $1 on Venice beach. I was "discovered" by an extra agency and started appearing as an extra in movies. My deviantID image is actually a still frame from the video for Oingo Boingo's "Out of Control".

I like to write. I used to mostly do poetry but now I am focused on novel-length work or screenplays. I love doing dialog and creating complicated plot structures.

If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be?

More realistic drawing. I really wish I could draw accurate people but I just don't have the eye for it. They always say "draw what you see" but my perception is just not in line with my drawing.  

I admire artists like DanteWontDie. He does Touhou characters mostly, a lot of digital art, commissions, etc. I think it would be great to be able to produce art for my own games! 

What was your first favourite?

I think it was "Conscience" by kharlamov:
CONSCIENCE by kharlamov

Just love the surrealism of that, and so well done.

What type of art do you tend to favourite the most?

I really like Asian girls. I have a Chinese wife and lived in China for a while, so I am biased Wink/Razz . There is a certain Chinese/Asian aesthetic that is very different from the Western sense of beauty, which always seems a bit aggressive to me. Some artists on DA capture that even though they are not Asian - for example, check out "Time" by LilyThula - it is great:

Time by LilyThula

I also really like Shibari - japanese artistic rope bondage, in particular when done with a single rope. Like many Asian art forms, it is deceptively simple but extremely difficult to get right. It is also very difficult to photograph in a way that captures the beauty. But there are some great artists of this form on DA. Check out this piece by WykD-Dave for example.

Yubi shibari by WykD-Dave

NFGman also has some great pieces. (Many of these pieces involve nudity so be advised.)

Who is your all-time favourite deviant artist?

It is really hard to pick, but I guess if I had to I would go with duongquocdinh . His photography is amazing. It has such a heightened sense of reality, it is like being inside of a painting. Check out this angel for example:

Angel MY HOA by duongquocdinh

or these snails:

DQD by duongquocdinh

Amazing! It is also immediately recognizable. You don't get that very often with a photographer, where any piece of theirs, from a portrait to a flower to a landscape, is just obviously theirs.

If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be?

Hmm, hard to say. Maybe Pepper?…

For real people, it is difficult to say. It is hard to know anything about a person from their work. I think most artists prefer to have their work speak on their behalf.

If we have to pick an actual person, I guess I would say 张小白 (@XaioBaiArt). She has so many great images and also looks like she has a very interesting life. Plus, 她非常漂亮...

Awaken of the Spring by XiaoBaiArt

I am also a huge fan of CliveBarker . He is my favorite horror writer and a real inspiration to me in my own writing. On DeviantArt I learned he has a very nice illustration style:
Mater Motley by CliveBarker
I also heard he lives not from from the DA office, so maybe he will stop by...

How has a fellow deviant impacted your life?

When I first joined DeviantArt, everyone in the office had a ton of old DeviantWear but I had none. Luckily I managed to find a deviant (name withheld) who was able to give me a generous back supply of classic shirts from the start of devwear! Now I can roll with the cool kids.

What are you preferred tools to create art?

I like to use pen and paper when composing poetry. I carry a notebook with me everywhere in case there is something to capture. I never erase. Erasing is the enemy of creation.

For writing, I used to use an old typewriter until it was broken in a move. I type very fast, and I found that when I used a word processor I would spend too much time going back and editing what I just typed. I would second-guess myself. Using the manual typewriter prevented that.

Now that the typewriter is gone, I just use Microsoft Word. I trained myself not to edit anything I type until the next day. This really increases output and quality I find.

What is the most inspirational place for you to create art?

I like to be alone in a crowded place, so I usually will bring my notebook or a laptop to a bar and just sit at the counter by myself and write for hours. Plus while quietly writing you can overhear all kinds of crazy things in a crowded bar.

What is your favourite DeviantArt memory?

There are many since starting to work here. I think the best is still going to the shooting range with spyed and shooting trap and skeet. He brought a quadcopter drone, how awesome is that!?!?

No, we did not shoot it.


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BaileyBushes Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
                        Party      Dance!     :airborne:    Dance!      Party 

                                 Bullet; Red Happy New Year my friend! Bullet; Orange 
Bullet; Yellow Every era has its errors, let's hope this new one has less than the last.Bullet; Green 
                             Bullet; Blue I look forward to 2016 with you! Bullet; Purple 

                        :Fireworks: by vita-luna   Balloon Divider (Rainbow) - F2U! by Drache-Lehre     :Fireworks: by vita-luna

~Bailey Butterfly Emote (Free) by Unsuspicious-Pizza
Andorada Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2015
 Happy New Year by KmyGraphic 
KanchanCollage Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2015   Traditional Artist
Thank you for the watch!
sallen623 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Attention, attention! This is a very important message. Read thoroughly!

The Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) trade agreement has just been published, and it is going to substantially threaten DeviantArt's life and future. This deal is dangerous for DeviantArt because of its intellectual property enforcement chapter, whose provisions could destroy this site's mission, which is to "[create] the cultural context for how [art] is created, discovered, and shared," and "to exhibit, promote, and share their works with an enthusiastic, art-centric community." On a larger scale, the TPP would also destroy the careers of nearly every artist who posts works on this site.
The TPP's intellectual property chapter includes provisions that could censor the Internet, endanger online privacy, impose draconian copyright standards, abolish freedom of expression, criminalize whistleblowing, and rob the public domain. Internet service providers could be held liable for hosting copyright infringement, and they could also be forced to become private copyright enforcers, forced to take down, filter, and block content with only a private notice from the copyright holder. So, under the TPP's provisions, DeviantArt could be shut down and its users and staff could be treated like criminals.
The TPP would push for the widespread use of Digital Rights Management software, or DRM, to prevent consumers from tinkering with devices or content for purposes that corporations fear will infringe their copyrights and patents. Consumers could be prevented from unlocking their mobile phones to change telecom carriers, and prevent documentary filmmakers and other artists from breaking encryption on DVDs or sampling online streaming videos, where legal threats could be faced even if the video is created legally. People with visual or reading disabilities could be prevented from changing the formats of books and movies to make them more accessible. Not only unauthorized content, but also unauthorized software, could be blocked under the TPP's digital locks provisions. There is NO EVIDENCE that DRM does much to combat copyright infringement or protect consumers from viruses. All DRM does is suppress companies that promote innovation, criminalize sharing, and hinder and break the Internet and new technologies.

This is an emergency. You need to take action before this extreme pact can be implemented. And if the TPP is implemented, our right to share, modify, and experiment with content and technology could be faced with overly severe restrictions. As such, this site could be brought to its end, once and for all.

You can help stop the TPP by signing the below petition:…
RhynWilliams Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2015   General Artist
Thank you! :#1:
DreamerOfExistence Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2015
Do you know what staff deals with mature content filters?
UltraDad Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You mean, which person?
DreamerOfExistence Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2015
Yeah, lol. But I think I found out already. 
GeorgeXVII Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2015   Traditional Artist
Thank you for add #dAnniversary '15 to your favs !
icenectar Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2015   General Artist
Thanks for the watch!
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